CatThomas (sinsitykitty) wrote,

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Not sure there this post is going....

It probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but I need to get the thoughts out and possible sort thru them...

I'm bored and feel like getting into trouble, and as for what that means I have NO clue.  I feel trapped in a box that is safe and comfortable.  I have a wondering spirit that wants to explore the world and save it when I can.  Does that make sense?  I am taken care of and loved more then I probably deserve but I still want more.  Not more in terms of things...lord know that I have enough things to last more then one life time....I just want MORE.  I dream of places that I have never seen before....of people that I've never met in this life and when I wake up, I wish that I had. 

I feel the urge to scream for no reason other then to hear the constant internal vibrations out loud where...i might be able to interpret them.   I long for the touch that heats my body from with-in.  Not a physical touch...that I have already.  I want back that feeling that my heart had years ago that left when he was damaged.  I can't fall out of love with a man that means everything to me and has let me be who I questions asked. 

I regret the decisions that I have made that led me to where I am.  While I love my family and the friends that i have made... I still  wish that I had done it differently.  If I just hadn't been afraid of failing, of the cost involved...maybe I could have avoided the worthlessness that i feel now and ended up in the same happy place. 
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